livebird

What's this wet stuff?

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 11:27:41 GMT

RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN!

RAIN RAIN
RAIN!!!

Joy, joy, joy.

Tanks overflowing. I'm the mad bugger out there moving the hoses around the garden in the dark to put the overflow somewhere useful. And grinning the whole time.

Warbie, mate

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 07:52:22 GMT

Curmudgeon and I just got back from a wee bicycle jaunt through the countryside (Lilydale to Warburton rail trail) to celebrate our fourth anniversary.

Plusses:

1. Constant hilarity, typical example:

Me: Do you think an 'anadversary' is something you celebrate with people you don't like?
Him: Maybe. Do you think that Aquaman's adversaries were 'Sea AnEnemies'?

2. Woori Wheels at Woori Yallock.
These are the local bakery's FAR SUPERIOR version of your bog standard, fairly ordinary Wagon Wheel. They were a cult snack item at Curmudgeon's work during the fire season since colleagues visiting the Woori Yallock CFA office always returned with tales of Woori Wheels so large and rich and fabulous that you couldn't finish one by yourself. We did research. We concluded that they are difficult to finish all by yourself because your companion keeps stealing bites.

3. Tree ferns, stringybark trees, rolling hills, whispering grass meadows etc etc.

4. Peacocks and donkeys at our B&B.

5. Curmudgeon and I still are rather fond of one another after four flippin' years.

Minuses:

1. B&B was 8km uphell, oops, uphill from Warburton along a howling main road.

2. On the return train trip, the rotters at Connex decided to do maintainence and run a bus between Ringwood and Blackburn. Bikes aren't allowed on buses. So we rode it - in the hot sun, up and down hills, along Whitehorse Road megatraffic and the sick, twisted people in 4WDs who spend their weekends at Early Settler, Baby Bunting, Bed Shed and other nightmarish consumer warehouses.

3. Squid's dogsitter said she was "a handful".

GINGERNUTS - tidying up the last few crumbs.
Tasters who did not taste immediately discovered something curious - the NSW ones, which are teeth-crackingly hard straight out of the pack, rapidly soften up and go chewy. Clearly they are the most hygroscopic gingernut. I wonder why?

Un-yew-sual

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:13:24 GMT

Un-yew-sual things have happened around here.

One is that we took the bi-yatch to the bea-yatch. Squid bounding through salt and sea and sand. Her natural habitat. And a night away where there were shallows to be splashed in and sunscreen to be smeared was rather good for us bipeds, too. We were never a beachy family growing up so anytime I get away, it feels like a special treat, like when I managed to sponge a weekend away with rich schoolfriends who had family houses at Lorne and Barwon Heads and Point Lonsdale and so forth.

The other is that we stopped at a cavernous storehouse of glorious old junk on the way back and I didn't buy a thing.

Sunstroke, perhaps?

Gingernuts: the results

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 08:55:51 GMT

Verdict's in, y'all. Testing was scientific, comprehensive, and controlled with the use of an American who had never tasted gingernuts of any kind.

	NSW / ACT	QLD	VIC / TAS	SA
Diameter	5.1cm	5.5cm	5.2cm	5.3cm
Height	0.8cm	0.6cm	0.7cm	0.8cm
Colour	Light	Dark	Medium	Medium
Sheen		Sparkly with sugar granules	Smooth, oily sheen
Texture	Dense and hard like glass. Cannot bite with incisors; a molar biscuit.	Dry, snaps easily, crumbly.	Tough	Tough
Smell	Tree: �like a vanilla wafer�	Earthy	Mild, gingery	Curgmudge: �like gingerbread�
Taste	Nice flavour, the most �cake-like� of the four. Tastes of fresh ginger rather than dry.	�Like Dettol or disinfectant.� �What it lacks in hardness it makes up in aggression.� Strong aftertaste.	Pleasantly sharp start and buttery finish.	Mild ginger flavour, almost a minty, fresh taste. Rich, well-rounded finish.
Summary	�Playful, like a baby polar bear.� �Should carry a warning tod ip in milk before eating.�	Odd. A bit like Swedish ginger thins but not as good. Or as thin.	�Good second fiddle.�	�What you�d expect from a state of free settlers with a Barossa pedigree that haven�t been through the hardships,
Ranking	Third	LOSER � �a shitty biscuit�	Close second	WINNER

But we weren't the only ones. We packaged up gingernuts and sent them to three sets of other testers. Here's some additional data:

	Qld	Vic	SA	NSW
Color and Shape	Too thin	Pale but good shape	Perfect	Pasty
Size	Good for ginger ripplie cakes, larger and thinner	Good	Good	Fat, bad vibes
Texture	Too dry and powdery	Crunchy	Little crunchier than Vic but still good	No ginger
Smell	Good	Good	Good	Shit smell, uncooked
Hardness	Too brittle	Good	Good	Very hard but good for bush walking
Taste	Foul burnt shit	Very good	Very good	Too hard, uncooked and no ginger

A couple of lessons

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 06:20:10 GMT

Lesson One:

Always wear your bike helmet when cycling. This hole and crack would be in my skull if this protective polystyrene hadn't intercepted.

Lesson Two:

When you leave a visiting Californian hippy farmer to make a salad, it's more than likely he will create a peace sign from vegies harvested entirely from your garden.

Tree left yesterday. I think a jolly nice time was had by all during his visit. It's fun playing tour guide in a city you think is splendid.

Guest room: occupied

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 10:42:10 GMT

Four years ago I was hanging out in Rio with Tree. Now he's sitting on an armchair in my living room. International visitor! Hurrah! Although as he pointed out, "I'm sitting watching the Simpsons and reading magazines. It's like I'm still in Davis, CA."

He says that Australian liquorice is the trendy confectionary of choice in the States. Odd.

Bike accident injuries recovering nicely. They are not painful but still impressive enough to engender sympathy and/or mild horror from colleagues.

The test begins... now.

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 03:34:09 GMT

ALL FOUR TYPES OF GINGERNUT ARE NOW IN MY POSESSION.

Full report any day now. I bet your cup of tea is quivering in anticipation.

Two wheels good, four wheels bad.

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 06:04:00 GMT

Hey, Ma! Don't read this post! Go over there at the shiny, brightly coloured moving thing! Ooooh, see how it attracts and entrances, drawing you away from the post that will make you call me and demand I never cycle again!

I just got hit by a car. On Canning Street. CANNING STREET. Also known as the Bicycle Superhighway of Melbourne, where pushies rule and cars cower in fear at our spokey, sleek splendour.

Car turned into Canning Street without looking. I was in front of car at the time. There were two witnesses and two people who live nearby who heard, in this order, in quick succession:

a) me yell "F#@$@#$@#@#$@#$CKKKK!"
b) screeching brakes
c) a thud
d) me yell more of the above

I saw white car bonnet, then I saw road, then I saw sky. My right elbow hit tarmac and came away skin-free. I would like to thank my helmet from the bottom of my heart because as the back of my head met the ground, it shattered. My skull didn't. A state funeral for that helmet that gave its life in the line of duty.

One of the witnesses asked "are you OK?" and I yelled "NO! I'm REALLY ANGRY!" before getting up and off the road. I'm fine, really. My arm will bruise up and I'll learn how much it all hurts when the shock wears off. The ambos were gentle and lovely, people brought me water and disinfectant, the witnesses all comiserated and tried to fix my bike, the cop was kind and took me home. The driver said he was sorry but the cop told me that in his statement, he claimed I sped up out of nowhere and it wasn't his fault.

My poor old bike.

And all this because I worked so many extra hours this week that I left work early for a little op-shopping reward. Booo.

Bells, badass running and beanies.

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 05:17:27 GMT

Friday night at Birrarung Marr watching Strange Fruit play the Federation Bells:

They're on again Sunday and Monday night, 7.30pm. Lovely. Do go. I liked the conductor dressed like Inspector Gadget.

The Curmudgeon ran the half-marathon today in waaaaay less than 2 hours. He is truly extraordinary, rock and roll, and fleet of feet. See if you can spot him among the 8,500 people in the event:

Where's Wally?

Me no run this year. My back troubles continue and I will probably resort to some kind of quackery to get some relief. I used to go to an osteopath but fired them once they expanded the business to include truly ludicrous 'health' treatments (Iridology! Homeopathy! Crystal-reiki-halo-aura-massage-doctors-are-bad stupidity!) and became the sorts of people I wanted nothing to do with. But can you march into a quack's office and interrogate them on their degree of quackery? I suppose so. It is my money. Customer always right and all that.

Finally, in continuing crochetmania, I scored a big bag of emboidery wool at the op shop and set about to make myself a hat from about 24,153 different colours. Modelled here by Family Heirloom David, who is also enjoying custodianship of the Curmudgeon's 10km medal from last year and 21.1km medal from this year.

Science is Real!

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 00:07:08 GMT

It's true!

Remember the experiment I proposed back in August? It's taken a while to get off the ground but lo, it's underway, and preliminary results are in.

The top packet is from Canberra courtesy of dedicated biscuit researcher Moggy. The bottom packet was posted from Queensland by Curmudgeon Snr.

While the QLD packet is longer and wider than the NSW/ACT version, they are the same weight. That, my science-loving friends, points to a southern propensity for greater density. There's so much more to discuss here. We haven't even considered the other two states' version, let alone opened any packets. Thrilling.

I bought Here Comes Science yesterday. Yes, They Might Be Giants, Science is Real. The Great Gingernut Experiment is just the beginning...

Triptych of Idiocy

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 09:44:43 GMT

1. I'm learning to drive manual / stick shift. It's going pretty well. Except for a few hairy moments. Like being on a 100km country road without due preparation. "THERE'S A FIFTH GEAR??!!!"

2. I watered the garden last night. I opened up the tap on Hank the Tank, set the hose on the broad beans and wandered inside to cook dinner. At 11pm, I remembered. Result: I sodden beans, flooded concrete and an empty tank.

3. I watched Knocked Up on the telly last night. What a truly execrable film.

What stupid things have you done lately?

Run stop

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 07:29:46 GMT

Remember when computers had "RUN STOP" buttons?

Well, someone pushed my RUN STOP button. My foolish plans to run have tripped over and fallen down a ravine. Watch me backpedal publicly. There's a legit excuse - for more than a week, my stoopid spine has been giving me hell. Jogging causes shooting pain. Shooting pain prompts me to RUN STOP.

Poop. Can't help but feel like a shabby piker.

The Curmudgeon is still doing a half-marathon, though. His training is progressing nicely. So all the buckets of sponsorship money you could have thrown at me can go to him - drop me a line if you're feeling benevolent. This event was the major fundraiser for the ASRC last year - $57,000 was raised, and between us he and I wheedled about one-fitfty-seventh of that out of our friends and loved ones. Let's do it again!

Jokes

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 23:28:20 GMT

The Curmudgeon anticipates there will be many "resurgence of the GFC" puns in the near future after the eggball result yesterday.

I prefer the joke he made while we watched a ludicrous show about what the world would be like if dinosaurs still roamed around. There was a scenario where hunters were stalking a duck-billed dinosaur, and the narrator told us they ate conifers. "Basically," he said, "they live on Christmas trees."

"What, like angels?" asked the Curmudgeon.

Up yours, Cazaly.

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 04:22:16 GMT

I hate football.

Barking up the wrong tree

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 03:11:58 GMT

Went to visit Ma at the country estate on the weekend and as we left, we saw this koala bumbling along the roadside in search of a tree. It clambered over a fence and up this silver birch tree. Ooops. Nothing to eat here. Like a panda in a pine forest.

Squid went completely NUTS and wanted to claw through the car window to eat it. We drove off with her staring longingly out the back window at the tasty, eucalyptussy snack her cruel owners wouldn't let her have.

Left, left, left right left

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 23:06:13 GMT

The Curmudgeon whisked us over to the other side of the river (don't worry, I washed my hands afterwards) last night to see the Short & Girly Comedy Gala and it was funnnneeeee. It was all funny but we liked Hannah Gadsby the best. Plus, we ate googleflugelkugel from Monarch Cakes which is now available by the slice, by the kilo. You can buy a piece as big your head, all you need to do is mime the size you want to the lovely counter lass with the spatula and lo, all the googleflugelkugel you could ever want is yours. It's also chocolateyer than the whole cakes - that's a golden tip from Counter Lass, straight to you. Use it well.

As we waited for the tram we were marvelling at Socialists Corner. You know the spot. The one with all the shouty young people with badges and banners. Issue of the week, etc. Then Tim Ferguson (you know, the pretty one from DAAS) walked up to us and said he thought they should spend some time shouting about North Korea which is rather a nightmarish dictatorship. Today's Left is making us look bad, he said. Those Trotskyites should go talk to some Sparticists. It was altogether far more pleasant than my last unsolicted interaction with a stranger on or around our fine system of tramways - earlier this week, a gentleman spouting religious babble was simultaneously enjoying a rather unholy transaction between his crotch and my left buttock. Since the enjoyment was not mutual, I departed quick-smart.

It's Talk like a Pirate Day! Curmudgeon is demonstrating how to talk like an internet pirate. Something about bitorrents and downloads. Dork.

Ring free

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 09:29:45 GMT

I love Catherine Deveny.

Why?

Many reasons.

This is one of them.

Dream job

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 05:48:24 GMT

LOOK!

You can scrounge junk for a living!

Cue career change...

Hot diggety dog

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 09:19:52 GMT

Behold, a glorious 50% increase in the real estate devoted to the raising of tasty crops:

Thanks to some hefty digging, we got this little beauty done on the weekend PLUS we FINALLY dug the verandah out of the front garden.

Of course, couldn't have done it without the site manager:

Sprung

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 21:37:38 GMT

Is the first of September, and that means Spring is Sprung.

September is quite a busy month, it seems. It includes:

1. Panic stations

I'm not built for running. But last year I did a fun(d) run. This year's is in exactly 40 days. It's less scary this year because I know I can do it but lordy, do I need to step up the activity so I don't die on the day. So this is the major project for the next 6 weeks. I'd rather chisel off my kneecaps. Ugh.

2. Frock up

SewRetro is running a Mad Men competition in September - ya gots to make a frock in the style of one of the Mad Men ladies. I came third a few months ago in a vintage frock competition with a stylin' Joan-inspired number. The prizes only went to first and second. This time, VICTORY WILL BE MINE.

3. Party on

Need to make a fuss of my lovely Ma on her birthday. I've been gathering nifty gifties for a few months. I think they are worthy of her. See ya soon, Ma.

4. Sow Retro

My tomato seeds are coming up. This weekend is blocked out for New Garden Bed Construction. I have a water tank. THIS GROWING SEASON IS LOOKING PHENOMENAL and lo, it all starts in Spring.

Whatchoo all doin' this September?